Tantrums are also energising as they are accompanied by a release of adrenaline so they can go on and on. Next time you feel a little lethargic throw a tantrum and you’ll see how energised you have become!

There are two types of tantrums.

The first type is a frustration tantrum, which young children often throw when they can’t do or say what they want. Adolescents also throw them when life doesn’t go their way. Frustration tantrums need to be contained so a hug or giving some space to let them take their course maybe best.

The second type is a control tantrum. These types are a form of emotional blackmail that is very effective in achieving children’s objectives.  Control tantrums require an audience – the bigger the better, so supermarkets and other public places make great places where children can throw a ‘wobbly’.  Children may throw a tantrum in their bedrooms, too, but they are always loud enough for parents to hear.
 
Control tantrums are used by children of all ages to get what they want or to demonstrate their disapproval over a changed situation. 

Taming control tantrums:

• Be firm and refuse to be blackmailed by your children’s outbursts.  Giving in sends a message that tantrums work if children cry loud and long enough.  If a child makes a mess or becomes destructive he or she can clean up the mess or make some type of restitution later.
• When a tantrum begins, move away.   Don’t try and reason with a child in the middle of a tantrum. You can talk until your face drops off and it will have no effect until they have calmed down.  Go into another room or even outside.  If the tantrum is in public, either move away (still close enough for supervision) or quietly remove him or her from the scene.  Refuse to be around or even cooperate with a tantrum-thrower.
• Following a tantrum, talk about better ways that your child could act to get his or her needs met.  Rehearse what they could do next time, even practising what they could say.  This type of behaviour rehearsal can be very effective in teaching children more appropriate ways to get attention.
• If possible, get on top of tantrums before they begin.  As soon as you see the first sign of a ‘wobbly’, act to prevent it.
• Provide a safe alternative for children who want to display their anger.  Exercise, hitting a ball or even quiet relaxation can help dissipate anger if this is a problem.  Talk about these safe alternatives with your child.
• You cannot stop children from displaying their anger but you can, however, control your own reactions.  By remaining calm and refusing to give in to temper tantrums, you are sending a powerful message:  ‘I won’t be blackmailed by such behaviour.  I shall respond positively to you when you calm down.’

Of course, you can take the left-field approach that I saw one mother take when her four year old threw one heck of tantrum in a supermarket when she wouldn’t put a certain foodstuff in the trolley. She joined him on the floor with arms flailing and a full-on howl. The little fella’ was off the floor and quiet in a flash. Either he got one heck of a shock that his mother would behave so childishly or he got an inkling of how looked and didn’t like what he saw.

Conclusion: Dealing with behaviours such as tantrums is obviously challenging. However it becomes easier when you have an understanding of why they happen and a range of strategies to call on when they occur.

Click on Parenting Ideas for more articles by Michael Grose featured here at Planet Preschool or visit his website at  www.parentingideas.com.au.